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Memoirs of a Bolt Guy: Pimping on the job

20/12/2022

1 Comment

 
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By Victor Kwame Sampong

After two days of inactivity due to my ordeal at the hands of the 'Dragon Squad' officers of the Anti-Cultism Unit of the Nigerian Police Force, I resumed work on Sunday with an out of state trip.


In fact, the movement was supposed to be on Friday, but my client asked that I take a few days rest to nurse my injuries and get some sort of fitness back and he'll wait till I'm ready.


That's how we found ourselves in the Cross Rivers State capital, Calabar. We arrived on time and he proceeded immediately to the assignment that brought him there. We spent the night in Calabar and shifted camp to Odukpani the next day for the second phase of his work.


It was on Monday that I responded to a message from a colleague for an interview on his radio programme on Wave 91.7 FM, Port Harcourt, via telephone. The reception and support shown by the listener was massive. I spoke to the Police Public Relations Officer (PPRO) right after and she requested that I make a formal complaint at the Human Rights Department at the Force Headquarters, Moscow Road. I told her I was at out of town, but would make that move upon my return.


Then another interview was scheduled for me on 92.3 Nigeria Info for Wednesday morning. My client released me on Tuesday evening because the job would take longer than earlier envisaged. However, when he's done, I'd have to return to take bring him back to Port Harcourt.


Interview on Nigeria Info had its impact as well, with much more support coming my way. Almost immediately, I spoke with the Deputy Police Public Relations Officer (DPPRO) and he asked me to come in as well. We fixed an appointment for the next day.


Friends and colleagues advised that I shouldn't go alone, but should get a lawyer as well if possible.


One of my clients who is a lawyer volunteered to go with me. I went to pick him up at his office and we started discussing the matter on our way back. As it turned out, he was already familiar with the man (DPPRO) who we were going to see.


We got there and the pleasantries were that of old buddies. The officer cut across as a fine gentleman who really wanted to be in the service to make a difference. I narrated my side of the story, but he needed me to put it into writing with some specific details like names and all that. I told him I'll come back for that the next day because I would need to make some calls to find out the identity of one of the officers I knew personally from our football training days at the Captain Elechi Amadi Polytechnic pitch. While leaving the Force Headquarters, I made some calls which bore fruits. The guy's name and phone number were sent to me and I duly forwarded it to the DPPRO.


I couldn't return to give my statement in writing the next day because I had to take another client to Umuahia High Court for a case and onwards movement to Enugu right after. I returned to Port Harcourt same Thursday and shutdown once I got home.


Throughout the week, I got calls from unregistered numbers interceding for the police officers and asking me to drop the matter and 'forgive them'. Some even went as far as using their families as bargaining tools, for me to consider the impact it might have on them, if their supposed bread winners were indicted and perhaps punished severely.


Well, the back and forth with the police was proving to be time consuming too. So, I didn't bother going back there on Friday. I just let it slide; at least, they did feel the heat for a full week and know they were this close to getting payback for their crimes against humanity.


Low budget pimp


The weekend was proving to be very fruitful due to the abundance of surge rides everywhere. Drivers in the city were cashing out fully.


I joined the party on Sunday, but as usual, my private clients won't let me enjoy the high surge rates of the weekend.


One guy from Ogbogoro, Junior, had called me on Saturday with a unique problem. He explained that he needed a girl for the night. And he believed I could help set him up with one because in his words,"You be guy man".


He wasn't too far from the truth though. I've had girls telling me to save their numbers and call them up when things like this come up. I deal with all kinds of people and I've learned how to appeal to their desires if and when possible.


So, I called up two of such girls without any response. I dropped messages on Whatsapp for them. A few hours later, they both replied at different times. Using the 'first come, first serve' policy, I set my client up with Amaka on Saturday.


While going about my Sunday activities, I received the scorecard of how the match played on Saturday went, from both teams involved in the contest.


Junior called me to complain about how the girl didn't deliver on her mandate. She refused to 'open her legs' well enough for him to 'dive in and dig deeper'. Plus, she was questioning every maneuvering move he made, including asking him why he hasn't arrived his destination despite being on top for a reasonable number of minutes. Due to his disappointment, he paid half the agreed price the next morning. I apologized and promised to get back to him after hearing from Amaka.


Amaka had already dropped a message that night telling me she'll update me later when she's free. It was on Sunday she too sent her own voice notes. She said Junior was packing heavily down there. The 'Cassava' was jumbo size. But her grouse was that, he didn't know how to use it and what to do with it, thereby inflicting pains and causing damage to her main working tool. She was begging him to be done with it fast, but that infuriated him.


That's how they both slept off, even though she was uncomfortable a bit afterwards and wished it would be dawn very fast so she could leave. She confirmed he paid half the agreed sum as a result. I also apologized on his behalf, while promising both sides to present better deals next time

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Memoirs of a Bolt Guy: I thought #ENDSARS ended SARS?

13/12/2022

2 Comments

 
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By Victor Kwame Sampong
 
Friday started a bit late for me due to some stuff I had to take care of at home, but, once I hit the road, I was optimistic it was going to be productive. Weekends are not to be toyed with as a cab guy.
 
My first ride of the day was fair. It took me to the Government Reserved Area, GRA, so I used the opportunity to grab some much needed breakfast at my usual joint along the Amaechi Drive, in preparation for the task ahead.
 
As soon as I got done with that, I switched both my Uber and Bolt apps on. I was lucky, that they both beeped almost simultaneously. A Bolt rider was heading to Iwofe, whereas pick up for the Uber was off Iwofe Road; talk about killing two birds with one stone.
 
My Bolt rider was around the corner (Prof. Abowei Street), so I picked her up and we headed for Rumuolumeni. I also called the Uber client to buy time, using traffic as an excuse. I even explained to my Bolt client and we just laughed and vibed along that line till I dropped her off, with a N300 (her change) tip as well. I turned around to go get Cliff from Palmgrove Apartments.
 
It wasn't long until he came out, so the trip started. As it is common with guys like him, he immediately connected to the Bluetooth device in my car. As soon as he did that the conversation started flowing as the jams started playing.
 
My guy was a poor DJ or so I thought. All his Naira Marley and Zlatan tracks were spoiling the fun. So, I asked to see his tracklist. He obliged and I switched to Omah Lay, Ajebo Hustlers and the groove was back, albeit short-lived.
 
A tactical unit of the Nigerian Police Force was up ahead and one of them flagged us down. I stopped brought, down the windows as he ordered us to park and come down for routine stop and search.
 
We obeyed, and my client was the first to be thoroughly searched with nothing found on him. Then it came to my turn and there was nothing found on me too.
 
The officer spotted the phone in my right palm and asked me to unlock it. It was at that point I even realized I didn't come down with my phone, so I told him it wasn't mine, but I could get mine from inside the car.
 
As I tried to reach out to get my phone from where I dropped it, the man pulled me by the collar backwards and landed a resounding slap on me. I knew virtue left me immediately that slap landed. I was stunned, but still managed to ask him why the unwarranted attack. That provoked him again to return a second one. I tried to block it but it seemed this particular officer's hands moved faster than Mohammed Ali's. It hit the target anyways.
 
Again, I enquired to know my crime. My tormentor charged at me asking why I should be holding someone's phone when I'm not related or connected to the person, other than the fact that he's an Uber passenger.
 
I explained the circumstances that led to the phone being in my possession at the time, plus, bringing the phone down with me was just an involuntary action, I wasn't even aware it was still with me, until he asked.
 
The one wey come make am vex pass na when I come ask am, how is it a crime for holding someone's phone who's in the same car with me? {The one that made him angry the most was when I asked when it became a crime to hold someone’s phone who’s in the same car with me}
 
The guy dragged me to their van and cuffed me with my client, while threatening fire and brimstone.
 
One of them saw the 'PRESS'  sticker on my car, so came over to ask "Who's the pressman? I raised my other hand, then he reached out to unlock the cuff from my wrist, but asked that I still remain in the van.
 
My tormentor went back to the road, along with his crew, randomly stopping and searching. We were there for close to an hour and only decided to go when they 'caught' what seemed to be a 'big fish'.
 
They entered their vehicle and I was told to sit down at the back with my client, Cliff and the 'big fish'. I asked one of the police guy close to us where they're us to, and the man gave a chilling reply: we dey carry una go SARs office, where dem dey kill people... accompanied by a cheeky smile.”{We are taking you to the office of the Special Anti Robbery Squad, SARS, where we kill people}
 
As we sat in their car and they zoomed off, I noticed one of them was driving my car behind us.
 
I sought to find out from my companion beside me what his offense was. He said they found seeds of left over 'weed' in his side bag hung around his neck. I just talk for my mind sey this one don enter. Na why dem close work. {I just thought to myself that he was in real trouble. No wonder they closed for the day}
 
Well, we got to the SARs office at Rumukpokwu and we were ordered to come down. The Uber ride was still on, so the map must have been giving directions all through our ride to the dreaded police station. That was why my chief persecutor brought my phone to me saying I should end the ride and hand over the phone to him. So, while he was distracted, I quickly sent a text message to the saved number on my call logs, name was Mama Carlos and the text read: Call China, SARs carry me SOS. {Call Mr. China Acheru, I’ve been abducted by SARS. SOS}
 
I had to be fast and do it unnoticed. No time to think anything through or cherry pick who to send to. But I knew if she saw the message she'll reach out to him because they both know each other.
 
I handed the phone back to my tormentor. We were marched into an uncompleted building, just beside the main entrance. They then told us to sit on the rough floor, which we did without complaints. The other officer who told me earlier that we were headed to a slaughter ground then called Cliff to take his statement, while my tormentor started with the 'weed guy'.
 
A few minutes later, a POS (Point Of Sales) machine operator who identified himself as Emmanuel came in to give my Tormentor some cash, from what seemed like a previous successful transaction.
 
After taking the weed guy’s statement, he asked him a straight up question.
 
“What do you want the police to do for you? You want us to charge you to court or settle here with you?”
 
The guy chose to settle and negotiations began from a hundred thousand naira or so. I think they later settled for a huge sum and one of them with scary beards, someone I knew for years, because we trained together (football) at the Captain Elechi Amadi Polytechnic Pitch back then, later gave him a bank account number to conclude the negotiations and transactions.
 
I switched my focus to Cliff's end. He maintained his earlier stand that he wasn't a yahoo boy (Internet fraudster) and the driver (me) wasn't covering anything for him. He gave me his phone willingly to change songs and that was it. His response infuriated my chief persecutor and he charged at him with a green pipe (like the narrow underground water pipes), flogged him 3 times on his back. The fellow immediately broke into tears, yet refused to recant his statement.
 
He was about to hit him a fourth time when I stood up and asked him why the violence? Big mistake, but I did it.
 
I asked, “What exactly do you want him to say? We have been saying the same thing since you accosted us, because that was how it happened. Now, the phone has been unlocked and searched.
 
“There is nothing incriminating on it, so why this torture?” I asked.
 
Maybe, I should have kept quiet. But as we say in local parlance, I don buy market {I was now in deep doodle}
 
The officer, who I later got to know is an inspector, came at me, raging like a mad bull, with punches and slaps. He then took me down, MMA style, using my slippers as a weapon. Then he stood up to get his pipe, hit me with it a couple of times while I tried to block the ones I could from getting to my head or face. I guess being an ardent boxing fan helped, plus I've watched many 'action films' so, I tried to dodge some of his punches too. Lol!
 
He got tired and went out fuming. He was screaming and shouting, asking why I should question him. Then the line I've always expected from them: do I want to teach him his job? He promised to deal with me and lock me up till Christmas. If na for night, he would have shot me and discarded my corpse. {saying, If it was night, he would have shot me and discarded my corpse}
 
He came back a few minutes later and asked me to take off my clothes. Before I could react, my white shirt was being forcefully removed. After they had done that, he got to my belt and pulled it so hard that the leather broke. My trousers had already gone down my waist, but with my feet still stuck, he resorted to pulling them off anyways. It was tight at the ankle, so while he was pulling, I was being dragged around the room with my bare back scrubbing the rough floor.
 
I could count about five policemen in the same room but none did anything. They enjoyed every bit of it. Some even consoled me by saying "this one sef small. Na when una reach inside the main cell una go see something”. {This one is even light. When you enter the main cell, you will get the main dose of our brutality}
 
Soon enough, it was my turn to write my statement. The one who took Cliff's was the same person assigned to me. I could barely hold the pen due to the pains in my hands, they were shaky. The officer noticed and asked me to take some time off to calm down. I was still in my underwear, with nothing else on me.
 
I managed to get a hold of myself and proceeded to write the statement, with the officer acting as my guide intermittently. Barely halfway through, the fair one who had earlier removed the cuffs from my wrist walked in and from the looks on his face, he wasn't pleased with my appearance. He asked what happened and I explained with the marks and sore on my body.
 
He took a second look at my ID card and sought audience with his colleagues.
 
Soon after, the one who was taking my statement called me into another room to tell me their oga has looked into my case and I could be on my way out of there immediately I finish my statement.
 
When I came in, my tormentor was also taking another hard look at my Press ID, turning it back and front. He asked me to get dressed and come sit by him, which I did. He then tried to apologize for his earlier actions, telling me how nice a person he is. The man even offered to buy me a new belt or give me the money to get a new one. Wow! Such quick turnaround? I declined his offer anyways.
 
They gave me back my personal effects and released Cliff as well. We both stepped out, stood for a few minutes to make sense of what we've just gone through. Nothing made sense. We promised to keep in touch and bade each other goodbye.
 
I got into my car, and made my way home. I could barely hold the steering nor clench a full grip or fist as the back of my hands were swollen, with pains on the left side of my body and a few bruises on my right elbow.
 
I stopped by a pharmacy, bought some painkillers, took them right after I had my bath and slept off. I woke up and it seemed the pains tripled. I called someone to help massage my arm, took some more painkillers and slept some more. This was the routine for the entire weekend. When I look back at the events of Friday, I realized I could have easily been killed, my corpse buried behind their building and no one would ever know what happened.
 
I thought ENDSARS ended SARS?
 


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Memoirs of a Bolt Guy: A friend in need…

7/12/2022

1 Comment

 
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By Victor Kwame Sampong
 
The day was already getting boring for me. I had gotten just a couple of short rides that don't give joy to any driver.
 
One of such rides took me to Bende Street in Rumuomasi and I got another from a small hotel (more like a chalet) heading to Psychiatric Road, but I was contemplating on whether to cancel or proceed, due to the heavy traffic on that route in the morning.
 
I got to the gate and indicated that I had arrived. The lady asked me to drive in. I sounded my horn but it seemed that there was no one manning the gate at the time.
 
So, I called back to inform her so she could just walk out to the gate to board the vehicle. The lady blatantly refused and told me point blank that if I won't drive in, then she wasn’t going in my ride. How does the small girl want me to step down, open the gate, then drive in, before she enters the car? Omo! The kind insult person dey receive for this work sometimes sha...e be as e get. {The kinds of insults we get on this job at times is mind boggling}
 
I just used whatever home training left in me to cancel the ride and drove off, but on getting to Shell gate, the same person booked again and I accepted. This time, a male voice responded, apologizing for the behavior of the girl earlier on, begging me to come back, since I might not have gone far. I reluctantly went back. I sounded my car horn at the gate and there was no one to open it. I called the number repeatedly and no one answered the phone. I've let these guys use me twice. I just cancelled the ride again, then went offline so as not to have a repeat.
 
I left that axis with Waterlines in mind, hoping to get a good ride there. As I turned onto the Rumu-kalagbor Road, the phone beeped, with a recognizable name displaying on my screen.
 
About six weeks ago, I had picked Judith from Woji Road late in the night. She was looking distraught, unhappy and a bit sad. So, I engaged her in a conversation and she was eager to respond. Judith was caught in a love triangle and it was weighing her down. She had affection for Mr. A, who didn’t feel a thing for her; whereas Mr. B wants to be with her, despite her not having feelings for him. Once again, a client needed my sound piece of advice. By then, we had gotten to her gate, where we spent close to forty minutes on the matter and others.
 
Imagine a pretty thick chic, with an attractive height and sexy body, self-employed and by all looks of it, doing well for herself, crying over a man who might not even be half as handsome as I am? This world no balance las las! {Eventually, life is not fair}
 
We promised each other to keep in touch as friends. She was supposed to travel for two weeks to clear her head and take care of a few pressing family issues.
 
I kept in touch with her a couple of times, but it seemed at the time like I was forcing the friendship, so I had to lean back a bit.
 
Fast forward to present day, as I saw the name and the location, I knew it was my Judith. Truly, when I reached for her number from the app, her name popped up. I smiled and dialed with my second line, the one I knew she wouldn't recognize.
 
As is common with many riders, she just asked politely where I was. I told her that she shouldn't worry because I was coming straight to her house to pick her up. My friend was surprised and she probed further, and I told her, I'm almost there. In fact, the dinner she promised me, she can as well turn it into breakfast for me.
 
I got to her gate, she came out almost immediately and was shocked to see me. Judith was full of apologies and I heartily accepted. Like, who I be sef to dey vex for that kind fine girl? I no fit try am, even if I wanted to. {Who was I to get angry with a pretty girl? I couldn’t do it even if I wanted to}
 
She said she wanted to go to Kilimanjaro at GRA Junction to get breakfast, return home before heading out to work. We got to Kilimanjaro, she got breakfast for two and some other nice edibles and we left for her house. She insisted I come in so we could devour our meals together inside. The second time I'll be 'RELUCTANTLY' doing something that same day. Kai!
 
We ate and she brought some small chops she made for some clients (she's a caterer), plus some nice drinks from her mini bar.
 
Then she went in to freshen up, came back and we helped ourselves to 'The Woman King' on her giant screen. I think we couldn't finish the film because we both slept off due to the nature of the drinks we had.
 
I woke up a few hours later, she had already served lunch... Atama Soup with nicely wrapped balls of eba, filled with assorted meat. I went in to have my bath as well, so as to look fresh, returned to the dining table for lunch. After which, we finished our movie, and we both headed out.
 
I dropped her off at work at about 2pm or thereabout. She thanked me for my 'wonderful company' while hoping we could have a repeat some other time. I assured her that she can always rely on me.
 
I didn't have the strength to work again that day, no thanks to the eba and Atama Soup that was already making me lazy. I just went home and slept through the whole day, woke up by 4:30pm, went to play football and that's how my day ended, with Judith playing a huge role!
 
 


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