Powered by
China Acheru OFFICIAL
  • Home
  • Sports
  • Entertainment
  • People & Culture
  • The Ikwerre Man
  • About
  • Contact
  • Videos
  • SoundCloud
  • Blog
  • NaijaFootball247.com
T. +234 (0) 80 98616325    E. china@acheru.com

Bus Tales: Why it became so hot in Nigeria explained by an expert

24/12/2016

1 Comment

 
Picture

By China Acheru
 
Sometime in 1995, I was still young and restless and did lots of moving around so I met people of all walks of life.
 
Jumping in and out of commercial buses was my thing and it was either Danfo buses on intra city transport or the long luxury buses on intra or inter city business.
 
Now in these buses you meet a lot of people saying lots of things and of course there are the smart alecks too, who think they know it all.
 
I remember being in one of those luxury buses either late in 1995 or early 1996, just after the late Ogoni playwright, Ken Saro Wiwa was executed and there was all this talk about an American backed United Nations sanction on Nigeria.
 
Now this is a true story that happened in Port Harcourt.
 
The heat around that period was very disturbing and everybody had his say about it.
 
For the first time harmattan did not bring the cold dryness but more heat that was unbearable and people did not understand why.
 
I was in one of those buses that took commuters from Isaac Boro Park in Port Harcourt to Oil Mill; that was basically the whole length of Aba road in Port Harcourt.
 
I got in somewhere around garrison and stumbled on a conversation going on in the bus as a young man, looking intelligent and well-dressed was educating fellow commuters as regards the heat situation in the country.
 
He seemed smart enough so I was interested and joined in to listen.
 
He had apparently been answering questions posed by the people around him and the way he was revered I guessed he had done justice to most of the questions asked him.
 
Then someone popped the question, “Why is it so hot in Nigeria these days? Does it have anything to do with the ozone layer?”
 
I was interested in this one because the heat was unbearable and there had been a lot of talk about the ozone layer depleting because of carelessness on the part of the inhabitants of the earth.
 
The “educated” man braced himself, spread his shoulders and with a smirk on his face that showed he knew more than we did, he spoke.
 
“Didn’t you all hear that the Nigerian government killed Ken Saro Wiwa?”
 
He started by asking us all a question and at this point I wondered how this man wanted to tie Saro Wiwa’s death to the unbearable heat in the country.
 
His fans watching him nodded, signifying that they had heard.
 
“Didn’t you all hear that the American president is trying to force United Nations to impose economic sanctions on Nigeria?”
 
Apparently, some knew this while others did not.
 
“Haven’t you all heard about the ozone layer and what it does for the world protecting us from ultra violet rays from the sun?”
 
Of course, we knew that… or at least I knew that but I was waiting because this bloke to continue because he obviously did not know what he was talking about but knew he had a very gullible audience who would believe whatever they were told. No be Nigerians again?
 
“After, Saro Wiwa was killed,” he continued, “Remember that Nelson Mandela and the American president were very angry about it and finally convinced the United Nations to impose economic sanctions on Nigeria.
 
“This heat is the United Nations sanction on Nigeria. They removed our ozone layer so the sun now has unfiltered access to us. The next thing now is that Nigerians will start to suffer things like cancer and other skin diseases.”
 
By the time he was through, the silence in the bus was so loud, it could burst an ear drum.
 
I looked up at him and around the faces in the bus, amazed that Nigerians could be this stupid.
 
They had all believed him and I began to wonder about the multiplier effect as they in turn go back home to convince their families and loved ones and this news continues to spread that the United Nations removed Nigeria’s ozone layer.
 
Well, that’s what you get when you travel Nigeria’s commercial buses.
 
This is my bus tale for his week.
 
 
 

1 Comment

All Men are scum 

19/12/2016

1 Comment

 
Picture
By China Acheru

Since this seems to be the latest trend, especially from the side of the women folk on social media, I decided to indulge them today and prove that men are really scum.
 
Now this is a true story that happened to that woman who lives next flat to you, works across the hall from you, or even attends your church but never acted like she was going through.
 
For the sake of this piece, I will call the woman, Bisola and call the man, Akintunde.
 
Now Bisola and Akintunde got married in 2003 and it was one of those society weddings that everybody who was somebody in the city was there.
 
These were two people in love and they made plans to live together, for better for worse, in sickness and health, till death do they part.
 
After the lavish wedding ceremony, the task of marriage began and they seemed happy.
 
But by their first anniversary, Akintunde’s parents started asking why Bisola was not pregnant.
 
Akintunde’s parents owned a large shipping line and being an only son, they wanted an heir immediately, but their son told them to be patient as it was the lord who gave children.
 
At every anniversary until the 5th one, people were asking and Akintunde started getting worried.
 
Suddenly, his attitude changed but he tried to stay loyal to Bisola who he really loved.
 
By the 12th year of their marriage and with no offspring, he had had enough.
 
He could no longer ward off his parents and extended family so he sent Bisola packing. He practically ended the marriage and his mother wasted no time to bring in a girl from home that was “very fertile”
 
It was not too late to start life anew and a distraught Bisola just held on to her job and religion to keep her sanity.
 
Two years after her marriage broke up, Bisola met Ovie, her class mate at University.
 
Ovie and Bisola were just cool in school and though he wanted to date her, she never gave him a second thought.
 
Ovie had been in Canada since he concluded his masters nine years ago and was in Nigeria to open a new business when he met Bisola at her office.
 
They decided to catch up on old times and hung out one Friday night.
 
After a few drinks and reminiscences, things got out of control and Ovie paid for a room at the hotel where they had hot, steamy sex.
 
Bisola had no regrets because she hadn’t been intimate with any one since she lost her marriage to Akintunde, two years earlier.
 
Two days later Ovie returned to Canada and on her next due date, Bisola missed her period.
 
She didn’t take it seriously but after a while she did a pregnancy test and found out she was with child.
 
She informed Ovie who was so delighted and called on his family to initiate the process of marriage.
 
One year later, Ovie and Bisola were married with a three month old son, Efe in their arms.
 
Akintunde is three years with his new bride and still searching for a child.
 
Are all men not scum?
 

1 Comment

Diary of a junkie: I can live without dope, no?

18/12/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
By Garnet
 
In the end, they'll judge me anyway, so whatever. . .
 
After the trip to Ahoada, I went home for the holidays, but that didn't last for very long because in less than no time, I was back in school.
 
Lectures had not really begun but I was tired of my everyday routine in the house.
 
It was a repeat of almost everything, without a window to even step out and satiate my new found hunger.
 
So the slightest opportunity I got, I came up with the perfect excuse and returned to school. But, I didn't end up in my room. Your guess is as good as mine.
 
It wasn't premeditated to end up in Stephen's house, it was last minute decision but it seemed perfect and reasonable at the time.
 
I thought 'after all, nothing's really happening in school just yet, and I'd rather be in his company than my family or roommate'.
 
Looking back now, I think my drive then was coming straight from the pit of hell. Sue me, but you'll agree with me that sometimes freedom can be too free.
 
As always, Stephen had one mischief or the other up his sleeves. All his caution of staying home with my family and enjoying the holidays was thrown out the window immediately he saw me, his partner in crime.
 
Mind you, I enjoyed every second I spent home with my family, I mean, how could I not when it was a joint agreement amongst them to get on my last nerve and exhaust me endlessly.
 
I loved being home, but it felt good to be handed back the reins to my life.
 
Anyways, it was good to be back with Stephen. I missed him. I missed the adventures. I missed his friends. They were a crazy lot. One worse than the other in his own unique way.
 
As though he read my mind, he went "go freshen up. My guys are coming over".
 
Without waiting for another nudge, I grabbed my bag and made for the room, all the while thinking it was the same crowd I've met before now.
 
I was out of the showers and already in my shorts when I heard the noise. It sounded like there were more than a hundred men in that sitting room.
 
Oh my God! An invasion! The guys I hung out with in Ahoada were crazy and noisy but nothing like this.
 
I quickly slipped into a shirt, put on my flip flops and made for the sitting room.
 
Imagine my shock and surprise when I got there and found just four guys including Stephen.
 
Bros, you don get another barney? Guy!!! That was the stout one amongst the pack, who was later introduced as Brown. Something told me he was trouble waiting to happen.
 
Let's see if my instincts were still as sharp as they used to be.
 
Come on shut up, Stephen returned. Remove your eye o. Na my younger sister.
The laughter that followed that statement was deafening, and contagious because I and Stephen joined in.
 
The finer and calmer (or so I thought) one who Stephen later introduced as Funky had a sharp tongue.
 
"Guy, come on shut up. If you see your sister, you no go know? Abi you don forget how many children your mama born? Tell us to commot eye for her body, no talk say na your sis".
 
I knew I was in for a very long day. These guys were on hyper mood, but they were fun though.
 
One look at Stephen, I knew what he wanted. I stood up, went inside and in less than no time, I was back out with his dope box, ash tray for everyone, four glasses and a bottle of whiskey.
 
I turned on the TV and perused through the channels while these guys talked and laughed at the top of their voices.
Seeing as the search for something to watch was becoming futile, I joined in the conversation.
 
I wasn't keeping track of time, but it wasn't more than three hours, two bottles of brandy had already been levelled, the box was empty, and the stash was on the speed lane to hitting rock bottom.
 
We were still at it when one of the guys suggested we go out..... To get more kush, some bottles of codeine, and in his words, fresh air.
 
If we had known there was trouble outside the four walls of that house, we would have remained content and stayed put. But who thinks about caution when highness is involved?
 
We came out in Stephen's hilux, drove into GRA and found what we needed.
 
We were hungry. I mean, who wouldn't be after what we just had? I made it very clear that I didn't have any strength left in me to cook up anything, so Collins (the last man in the pack) suggested we stop at Blinks to get shawarma.
 
As expected on a Wednesday night, blinks was packed full with cars looking for a parking space was like finding a needle on a hay stack.
 
Brown and I decided to come down and go place our order while the other guys look for a spot for the car. While we were making our way to blinks, someone suggested we eat the shawarma around the environs, burn a few blunts, and empty a few bottles then go on home to continue our own little party. It sounded like a plan since neither of us was up for clubbing.
 
We had placed our orders, leaned on a nearby car and just laughed at everything and everyone when some random guy walked up to us and squeezed my ass.
 
What??? I turned and before I could stop myself, my palm was on his face.
 
Brown was in the loop because everything happened in split seconds. The guy recovered quickly and made for me when Brown sent him flying backwards with a punch.
 
That kept him low for a while as Brown inquired what happened from me. I explained and could see his chest rise waiting for the easiest prey to pounce on.
 
A ruckus had ensued and a small crowd was gathering. I hated being in the spotlight, and receiving sly comments from onlookers.  Stephen and co were already there and Brown had explained to them what happened. Like a flash of lightning, there was another blow, another heavy thud of someone falling and a voice that sounded more like a roar.
 
Stephen..... I ran to him, and gave him a hug all the while whispering only God knows what in his ears.
 
Saved by the bell, our shawarma was ready. Funky paid and we made our way back to the car.
 
All four doors open, empty foil papers lying around the car, cups in each hand, an overhead cloud formed from smoke, there was silence.....
 
I sat in the passenger seat beside Steve, and relieved the events of the past hour.
 
If anyone had told me I'll someday be the girl to cast the first stone, I'd have called their bluff. Well, thank God for friends that'll stand up for you any day, anytime.
 
It was a peaceful night... With stars keeping the night Sky Company, and Bob Marley appealing to our conscious minds with his powerful words, I couldn't have been anywhere else. But it was past 1am, and we had to get home.
 
We shut the doors and continued on home. The guys were staying the night at Stephen's so there was no going to drop anyone off.
 
We had just joined the Rumuola road from Oroazi, and considering that it was already very late, Stephen decided to drive against traffic.
 
He had not gone two poles when we were stopped by police patrol men on duty. We didn't think nothing of it, believing we'll just give them the usual tip and be on our way, but these guys were not having any of it.
 
One peep into the car with a flashlight brought us all down. Another wahala, or so I thought.
 
The guys were so calm and collected. Their countenance was intimidating. To them, it didn't seem like we might as well spend the night behind bars. They were quiet, watching this policemen rant and wave guns and cuffs in our faces.
Stephen reached for my hand, squeezed tight and gave me a wink.
 
Are you kidding me? You're being a romantic when we're looking at spending the night in cuffs. Well, I was calm and watched them handle the issue at hand. Funny enough, they weren't doing or saying anything. They rather leaned on the car like people looking to take pictures.
 
When it felt like this policemen were out for trouble, and they weren't backing up until they had us in cuffs and behind their van, Funky and Collins approached the guy who from the look of things was in charge. At first, he didn't want to listen, but next thing I know, he had gone completely quiet and was listening to the two guys instead.
 
'Let's go home guys'.
 
Really? What just happened here? Who are these guys, and what did they tell that officer that made him release us without asking for a dime?
 
Anyways, that's none of my business. As long as I get to sleep in a comfortable bed, what they told them or didn't tell them isn't my headache.
 
It'd been a full day, and I felt cramped. The rest of the journey home was made in silence. Nobody was even humming to Bob Marley. Each man to his thoughts...
 
There's no beginning. There's no end. There's just becoming.


2 Comments

How I see Christmas

14/12/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
By Lisetta Woluchem
 
That time of the year when you can't help but pray to avoid tragedy.
 
That time of the year when you can't help but feel giddy with joy.
 
That time of the year when you're.....aargh! Super excited.
 
That time of the year!
 
Everybody loves Christmas. OK, maybe that's a little over the top. Not everybody, majority of people. But, really who wouldn't love Christmas?
 
It's an awesome season. It's got its own special weather. The calm, the quiet, the euphoria, so what's there not to love?
 
Christmas gives birth to a new day, a new dawn, a new life, a new hope, a new reason to look forward to the coming year. I feel good about Christmas. Well, who wouldn't feel good to be alive and celebrate a remarkable end of year?
 
It is believed that the son of God who is reverenced by almost all of mankind was born on Christmas day.
 
On this day, a child is born.
 
On this day, a son is given.
 
And this time of the year has been set aside not only to celebrate His birth, but to celebrate life, family, achievements.
 
This period gives birth to different festivities, different celebrations and every culture has something remarkable to do during this time.
 
Something that's not occasionally done, an event that keeps people giddy with anticipation.
 
The joy of the season is priceless!
 
Having something worthwhile to mark the remaining days of the year is brilliant to say the least.
For most, Christmas is the only time they have in the year to hook up with loved ones, family and friends. What greater joy is there?
 
Most people don't celebrate Christmas, or stopped because something tragic happened to them during this time. I know sometimes, things happen that make us lose every atom of care we once owned and live as though we aren't living.
 
I'm not oblivious to the soothing relief that comes from some memories no matter how painful, but it really is time to let go... Let go of the weight. Let go of the burden, the sorrow.
 
I'm not asking you to let go of the memory, I'm asking you to let go of the hate and anger.
 
It's time to hold on and move on. It's time to open up your heart and let love seep through. 
 
It's time to partake in the blessings that come with this season. Because, trust me, it's a whole lot!
 
Give this Christmas season away. Don't hold on to that love. Put a smile on someone's face and watch this Christmas unfold into something beautiful.
 
Make someone happier this season by giving just a piece of your heart. It doesn't have to be too much. A warm smile can actually do the trick.
 
Forget about all the reasons you think celebrating this season isn't worth it, and think of the one reason why it is.
 
Remember, the worst thing that happened to you may be the best if you don't let it get the best of you. Return some spark into your life. O yes, you can.
 
The joy of the season is there for the taking. It doesn't matter where you spend it, or whom you spend it with.
 
Show love to someone this season, and experience first-hand the miracle of love and it's endless wonders!
 
MERRY CHRISTMAS...

2 Comments

    Authors

    These are guest blogs with authors' names written on individual Blog posts

    Archives

    August 2019
    May 2019
    November 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

USEFUL LINKS

Home
Sports
Entertainment
People & Culture
The Ikwerre Man
About
Contact
Blog
Videos
SoundCloud

LOCATION

    GET IN TOUCH

Submit
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Design by DivTag Templates