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Diary of a junkie 5: It seems I can’t break free

27/8/2016

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By Garnet
 
There are something other people run from and most others run to

I remember thanking Stephen for coming into my life, but I don't remember the remaining parts of the journey. Next thing I know, someone's giving me a pat on my shoulder and telling me we're home.
 
I came down from the car and walked towards the door. I don't know what the time was saying, but it was already dark. Stephen made for the house of his gateman while I went inside.
 
Once inside, all feelings and air of confidence seeped out of me. Reality began to dawn on me, and finally the question that I had shoved from center stage on my mind sprung forth and this time was not letting go.
 
Who was this guy? What has he said or done that's given me this level of trust in him?
 
All of a sudden it occurred to me that nobody knew where I was, and if something out of the ordinary were to happen, how do I save myself?
 
I had moved on from smoking left overs of weed from my uncle’s room at the age of fourteen go finally having my own wrap of weed at eighteen courtesy of Stephen.
 
I had my first cocktail of codeine and marijuana in a place far off from school or home with law enforcement agents, government officials and the scum of the earth and I knew I was sinking deeper into the black hole of addiction.
 
I had grown to trust him so much but had no idea who he was, where he came from or what he was about.
 
I was lost in thoughts when …
 
“Are you OK, why're you Standing?”
 
First, I didn't realize I was Standing. I didn't also hear him come in. I had to drag myself back to reality and feign a smile.
 
“Of course, I'm OK. I'm lightheaded, and have a headache.”
 
“If that's the case, you shouldn't be Standing,”
 
 He was nudging me lightly to the closest chair, and taking my bag.
 
“Sit down let me go get you some aspirin. You'll be fine in less than no time.”
 
“What have I gotten myself into? Why was this dude so...perfect?” Or so I thought.
 
“Here you go,” he said from behind me and handed me a glass of water and two white tablets.
 
Panadol apparently. I swallowed the drug and handed him the glass.
 
I managed to Stand up and turn off the lights. The television was on, and it had enough light to illuminate the sitting room. Besides, the red light coming from the dining room made the whole atmosphere serene and peaceful.
 
Stephen sat beside me and massaged my leg while we saw 24.
 
It was season 4, I think. All the scenes leading to the death of David Palmer. 24 is a movie I have seen countless of times, and it's amongst the movie I can't get tired of.
 
But, on this particular night, I wasn't keen on seeing Jack Bauer save the world.
 
I leaned into the seat, and it felt like that was my first time there.
 
I was at Stephen's place the previous day, but marijuana seemed to be the only thing I cared about so I did not bother about the things around me.
 
“Who was this guy? Macho and terrifying on one side. Calm, sweet and soft on the other side.”
 
The TV was a flat screen, 82 inches. The home theaters stood on either side of the television. In the middle, there was a round black center rug, with the face of a brown tiger. On it was a glass round table with multiple color flowers in a silver vase.
 
There was a white couch at the far end of the room, beside it was a black bin bag. He had two black sofas opposite the couch, and a stuffed dog between them. The walls of the sitting room were a sparkling white.
 
The wall that housed the electronics was just breathtaking. It was a splash of multiple colors, a sharp contrast to the white walls.
 
His dining room had four seats on the opposite ends of the table. There was a fridge on the far end of the wall. The table was covered with a turquoise lace table cloth.
 
On it, a bunch of white roses stood proudly in a colored ceramic vase. The walls of the dining room were sky blue. The window was covered with white blinders. The walls of the sitting room had different arts, in all kinds of colors, and each telling its own story. There were tons of throw pillows in all colors scattered round the sitting room. There was this glow, and a certain aura of peace.
 
Stephen was so engrossed in his movie. David Palmer was heading to the window that gave the sniper a better shot.
 
I took a stroll. There was a door just after the dining room. That turned out to be the visitors’ convenience. There was another door in the dinning, and it led to the kitchen.
 
It was spotless. It had a red cabinet that stretched from wall to wall. On the other end was a double sink. The gas cooker stood shinning beside it. There were towels neatly arranged on one end of the wall, in different sizes and different colors. I got to learn later of their different roles.
 
There were three doors in the kitchen. I came through from one. One of the other door led to the back porch. The last door led to a long hall. The rest of the house was this way.
 
There were four doors. Two on each side. The first led to what looked like a study. One wall had a floor to ceiling book shelf. The windows were covered with brown blinders. The walls were painted with brown. On the table, there was a printer, a computer and an apple laptop. There were a couple of framed pictures. An older woman, himself, two beautiful ladies, and another with a beautiful girl. The lady in the picture was sitting on a couch. She had on a blue gown. She wore her natural hair, and it fell to her shoulders. She wasn't wearing any makeup, and her smile was just bliss. From the picture one can easily tell whoever was in that frame was an angel.
 
“He seemed so organized,” I said to myself as I continued to scan the room.
 
“That's my girlfriend, Gloria.”
 
I jumped.
 
“I didn't mean to startle you,” Stephen was saying as he came into the study. He stood behind me and picked a frame.
 
“These are my sisters, Mary and Chinenye. They're both married and live in Canada. This is my mum,” He said, raising the other frame with a single woman.
 
She was petite and looked really happy. Stephen's face had this glow when he talked of his mom and his sisters.
 
The door opposite the study was the visitor's room. The drapes were green. The walls were a light yellow. The bed was in the middle of the room. This room had its fair share of art and antique.  The closet was beside the bed. There was another door and it was the bathroom. All white and cosy.
 
We continued our tour and ended at the master bedroom.
 
My mouth dropped open.
 
“Stephen was really a riddle,” I thought.
 
In the middle of the room was a round bed, neatly dressed. The closet was transparent. There was a dresser on one side with plenty of bottles with different labels. There were stuffed animals everywhere. The walls were full of arts.
 
The air conditioner stood proudly beside the dresser. He had pictures of his mom and sisters here too. There was another door in here too that led to the bathroom.
The jacuzi was inviting. There was a tall mirror opposite the jacuzi. White towels were stacked neatly on a cabinet. There was a metal bucket close to the sink. There were bottles of shampoo and conditioner neatly arranged on one end.
 
“You should shower while I get dinner ready. Your things are in the closet. I'll be in the sitting room.”
 
With that, he was out of the room. I got out of my clothes and got into the bath. I remained soaked for a while, and let my mind wander. Too many things going on in my head at once.
 
“What can I say or do that's going to show me who this guy really is? How about we just talk? Is he the type that'll lie?”
 
I got out of the bath, got dressed in shorts and a tank top, and then made for the kitchen. Stephen was done with dinner, and was lounging on the floor in front of the television. Dinner was bread, tea, jam and gravy. We saw 24 while having a quiet dinner.
 
David Palmer had died long ago, and Jack Bauer was still looking for his killers.
 
“Who are you Steve?”
 
I was as surprised as he was because I didn't realize I was saying anything.
 
“What do you mean who am I?”
 
There was no backing out now.
 
“I'm a very vulnerable person. I already trust and like you so much it would hurt to find out you're not as nice and as decent as the person I've spent the last 24hours with.”
 
He was quiet for a long time. He just ate. I didn't also say anything. If that was the end of the conversation, well I got my answer.
 
I was taking the last slice of bread when I heard Stephen talk again.
 
“I'm not one to pretend. I might have this macho, no nonsense approach, but I'm nice. I had to learn to be a man, and defend my mom & siblings as a teenager. My dad bailed on my mom, so I decided to not be the man my father was. In his words, he said; “I don't believe smoking dope makes me a bad person. I'm all macho and might look irresponsible, but I got my head screwed on straight. I won't take you for granted, I promise. I'll just be your friend and partner in crime.”
 
With that, he leaned in and gave me a light kiss on my forehead.
 
He looked at the time and exclaimed. It was two hours past midnight.
 
“Let's go sleep darl. We have a long day ahead.”
 
Like a puppet, all thoughts of trying to find out at least what exactly was going to happen seeped out of my mind.
 
All I could think about was the next scheme Stephen's got up his sleeves.
 
Sometimes, we find we've been in the dark for so long and just want to come home. But then, where's home? That's the one question we always find a way to answer wrongly.


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Vehicular safety for children

21/8/2016

1 Comment

 
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The Nigerian Blogger Reporter

Last week, a young man lost his life in the UK. He was travelling on a Gatwick Express train and leaned out of a window, apparently to check why the train was travelling slowly, when he was struck either by an on-coming train or some other object (at the time of writing this, the circumstances were still being investigated).
 
It was a horrific and tragic loss of a 24-year old life. Accidents happen, some are unavoidable, freak accidents, but there are circumstances that make up known danger equations.
 
To avoid them, precautions should be taken for our personal safety and the safety of others sharing the same vehicular space, whether it be motor vehicles, trains, etc. Some of these precautions are forced on us by law, and others are just common sense.
 
My son is four years old and when riding in my car, he is always strapped in his car seat. I cannot count the number of times we get somewhere and strangers make comments about how he is too “old” to be in a car seat.
 
Depending on the day, I either let it slide and keep it moving, or I take the time to engage them in a discussion about why he is still in a car seat and will continue to be in a car seat until he is tall enough to be strapped with the car’s safety belt. My son is a precocious little boy. He has energy for days. And like many little children, he is curious.
 
He wants to take in the sights as we ride along. Being in his car seat allows him to do that comfortably because he gets a boost. When he has to sit in a car without a car seat, the tendency is for him to want to stand and lean towards the window so that he can see what is going on outside the car. This is not peculiar to my son.
 
Children want to engage with their surroundings. They want to feel like they are a part of everything that is going on around them, so when they are not restrained, they are standing, exploring, and touching buttons, all of which can be dangerous in a moving vehicle.
 
It is cute when a dog has his head out of the window of a moving car, tongue hanging out, taking in the breeze as the car rolls by. When I see a child’s head outside a car window I go into panic mode. I want to call the attention of the driver or any adult in the car to restrain the child and keep their tiny bodies completely inside the car. I have done this before and each time I was given a look that told me to mind my business. I am not totally deterred though. If I am close enough, I still say something.
 
Ideally, children up to age 7-11 (depending on their height and weight) should be in a car seat. Because when they are small, the car seat belt may be more dangerous than it is useful, causing serious injury to the neck of a small child.
 
However, the middle seat with the lap belt is a way to ensure that children who are not in car seats are kept seated and diverted from danger.
 
Sometime ago, one fine Sunday afternoon, my son and I were on our way to Ikeja when we witnessed a single car accident on Western Avenue, Lagos (around Alaka).
 
I am not sure what happened but the car was rolling along just fine and the next thing I saw was that it flipped over before coming to a rest on its roof, wheels whirling in the air. A child who looked to be about three or four years old had been thrown out of the car, sat terrified and bleeding on the grassy median. People from a commercial bus that had stopped rushed across the highway to pick up the child and rescue the other passengers in the upturned vehicle.
 
Thankfully, the boy was conscious and because it was a Sunday, on the usually busy Western Avenue were only a handful of cars, as far as I could see. I don’t know the final outcome of that accident but I had seen enough to further convince me that the derisive comments I get from people over my son using a car seat at his age are worth it for his safety.
 
In the past week alone, I have seen small children standing and poking their heads out of car windows, and even more distressing, someone driving with a small child seated on his lap.
 
Apart from the danger of being thrown out of the moving vehicle, a child with his head outside the car window risks being injured by another passing vehicle, or a stationary object such as a tree or pole. They cannot react to or appreciate danger the same way an adult could. Power windows also pose a danger to children. They have been known to kill or cause serious injury to small children who have been strangled, decapitated, had their heads crushed, causing serious brain injury, or had their fingers amputated.
 
It is neither funny nor cute to have a child seated on one’s lap when driving on public roads. Several things could happen in an accident: if the car is fitted with a driver-side airbag, the child could be decapitated if something happens and the airbag is activated; if the car is not fitted with driver-side airbags and both bodies are thrown forward on impact, the child bears the brunt of the injuries that could be caused by the steering wheel. Because of their size, it will most probably be a head injury.
 
The World Health Organisation Global Status Report on Road Safety 2015 states that child restraints reduce the likelihood of a fatal crash by approximately 70 per cent among infants, and between 54 per cent to 80 per cent among young children.
 
Although the report states that Nigeria is among 53 countries, and only 1 of 3 in Africa, with child restraint laws based on age, weight, height and/or restrictions on children sitting in front seats, compliance/enforcement is very low at a rating of only 2 out of 10 points. To be honest, I don’t know what exactly the regulations are concerning child restraint in Nigeria. I am sure that there are many other parents who are also unaware that there are child restraint regulations.
 
You may be the safest driver on earth, with many years of driving experience, but you never know what difficulties you will face on the road, when you will have to make a sudden stop, or what weather or traffic conditions you will encounter while driving. We have all become accustomed to using our seat belts while driving. We should give the same consideration to the precious children that ride along with us.
 
Be safe. Keep the little ones safe.

​Culled from www.thenigerianblogger.com 


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Diary of a junkie 4: Cocktail of Codeine and Marijuana with the high and mighty

19/8/2016

1 Comment

 
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By Garnet
 
Nothing is a waste of time if it adds to the person that you are...and I mean nothing.
 
Friday couldn't come soon enough. If I could remove Thursday from the calendar and fast forward time to Friday when I get to hang out with Stephen, I would have.
 
Thursday to me felt annoyingly slow and I can't remember a time I had been crankier.
 
I snapped at the tiniest provocation, and kept to myself all through that day. The only person I wanted to talk to was Stephen.
 
But I didn't call him. Not because I didn't want to but because I didn't want to seem way in over my head.
 
Sometimes, I wish we could actually see what the schematics of our life looked like so we can skip doing most of the things we do and delve into what's supposedly important.
 
Then again, I ask myself, if things actually happened like that, what then would be the fun of living? What then would be the measure of our lives?
 
Because, believe it or not, every phase of our everyday existence is a part of who we are, and who we turn out to be. Our whole lives is an adventure in itself. How we choose to live is solely up to us.
 
I didn't stay for the end of my classes in school that fateful Thursday because I found my day was in a complete daze.
 
I had no idea what was happening, what I was doing, or where I was even going. I was aware of my activities but I wasn't just me.
 
I didn't want to snap at anybody else, so I resolved to go back to my room and sleep off the crankiness.
 
At about noon, I left campus and went home. Just as I was about taking a nap, my phone rang, and your guess is as good as mine. It was Stephen; "Hey babe, where you at?" I went 'lucky you, I just came back from school. I couldn't stay till the end of my classes. What's up?"
 
Stephen's next question surprised me to say the least. "I can't wait for Friday to see you again. If you wouldn't mind, can I come steal you from now till Sunday?"
 
WoW! What have I gotten myself into? I used to think then that fate was supposed to divert some things that we tend to do that sometimes don't end up well. Why let us do things that might end in regret?
 
I stopped asking that question when my mom told me every human had his or her portion of responsibility, and the sane decision you make in a moment of weakness makes you who you are.
 
"Hello? Hello?" Babe, you there?" Apparently, I was lost in my own thoughts and forgot Stephen was on the other end of the phone.
 
It's no problem if you can't make it, Stephen was about to say, but I stopped him short and told him to call me when he gets to Alakahia (where my house was located in school).
 
He said he'll be there in 30mins and hung up.
 
I immediately sent a text to my roommate telling her I was going to spend the weekend at a friends' place, and would see her on Sunday evening. I also sent a text to Stephen giving him directions to my house so as to save me the stress of walking out to the junction to meet him, then I packed an overnight bag, showered and waited for Stephen.
 
At exactly 30mins, my phone beeped. I checked it and was greeted with a text from Stephen..."I'm outside your gate". I checked the time, and it was 2pm. A guy that keeps to time. Another surprise.
 
I flew down the stairs and walked up Stephen's car. He got out, gave me a hug and opened the passenger door for me.
 
I had on crazy jeans, a shirt and an all-star. According to Stephen, I looked perfect.
 
When I hung out with Stephen the previous day, I told him I was a country music freak, and he slot in a mix into the CD player and gave me a stick of cigarette. Surprisingly, he sang alongside Kenny Rogers, Smokie and the likes. He told me he made the tape himself. This guy was just full of surprises. He noticed my distress, smiled and told me there was so much I didn't know about him.
 
Obviously!
 
Well, I wasn't about to ruin my day by asking tons of questions. So far, this guy has not proven to be a monster. Rather than see things that weren't there, I decided to go with the flow.
 
Stephen wasn't driving towards the direction of his house, so I had to ask where we were going, and he said it was a surprise.
 
Hmm. I became uneasy, but tried not to let it show. I just prayed...
 
Yea right, I prayed. Sue me, but by this time, I was still telling myself I wasn't doing anything wrong...Or was I?
 
Stephen drove to a scary part of town here in Port Harcourt. People call it Abuja Down.
 
He asked me to remain in the car while he came down and made an exchange with a guy. He got back in and tossed a bag to the back seat. In one swift movement, we were out of that place and back on the express road.
 
He brought the car to a halt at some point, and reached for a bottle from the bag he had just collected.
 
He opened it, took a big gulp and asked me to down the rest. He said it was cough syrup, but with codeine. I had no idea what it was for, or what it did but I emptied the bottle without a question.
 
Stephen gave me a stick of cigarette and said it was for a better feel considering what I had just taken.
 
I did everything this guy told me to do without complain. I had no idea why I trusted him so much, but I did.
 
Common sense demands that I at least adorn the vest of caution, but the 'free spirit' in me was stronger than the voice of reason.
 
I was on my second cigarette when I found that my mood had changed completely.
 
I was at peace with myself, and for the first time in a long time I was so calm, really calm.
 
I tried to explain how I was feeling to Stephen, but couldn't find the right words. He smiled and said this was the beginning of a life with no worries. What more could be better than a worry free life I thought to myself.
 
We continued to another part of town entirely. Somewhere around Moscow road.
 
We came down from the car, and I was faced with lots of dilapidated houses.
 
Washed off paints here and there, burnt or broken down cars, and uncompleted buildings scattered around.
 
It was more or less a slum. I would never admit this to anyone, but I was very scared.
 
So scared the first thought that came to mind was to run. Stephen came to my side, smiled and whispered that everything was fine all I needed to do was trust him. Of course bro, I trust you I said to myself.
 
Outside one of the uncompleted buildings, there were posh cars. Lots of them, and some official number plates.
 
We walked into the building, and I was greeted to the smell of weed. There were lots of uniformed men around, so obviously there was nothing to be afraid of.
 
Cans of all kinds of beer lay on the floor, and there were lots of trays and basins filled with marijuana.
 
Stephen brought his ear to my lips and said "what's better than doing something illegal with law enforcement officers?" Before I could answer, he went ahead to introduce me to the guys and the 'show' continued.
 
A lot was happening. There was music blaring from a small speaker on the floor.
Most of the guys were arguing about virtually everything. From the president, to the state, to the country, to the world in general, to football, even fashion was not left out. 
 
That was hilarious. Imagine armed officers arguing about fashion! No comedian could beat that. I laughed so hard I cried. Stephen explained that that's how things went in a gathering of smokers.
 
One of the guys made it his duty to keep me burning up. There were more than a dozen guys there, and each had a lighter of his own. Apparently, that was among the long rules of smoking.
 
At some point, it felt like the world was spinning.
I was on a roller coaster.
I was flying.
I was dreaming. My heard was playing different tricks on me all at once, but I didn't care. How I managed to maintain my composure is something I still can't fathom.
 
We got to that bunk by 3:30pm and we were there till dark. Burning bush and emptying cans of beer. All the while we were there, I wasn't without a roll of weed between my fingers.
 
I and Stephen together with the other guys got up to leave, but they all made me promise to come back and chill with them whenever I had the chance. You bet I will! What had I to lose?
 
After all I wasn't hurting anybody, so what the hell?
 
I got to Stephen's place that night a very happy girl. I dunno when or how, but I know somewhere into the journey I thanked him for coming into my life. He laughed and simply said; "babe, we're just getting started. You ain't seen nothing yet.”
 
What more was there to show me, I thought. Leave it to Stephen to come up with another surprise.
 
Trust me, it wasn't a long time in coming.
 
Things aren't always going to be fair in the real world that's just the way it is. But for the most part, you get what you give. The rest of our life is being shaped right now. With the dreams we chase, the choices we make and the person we decide to be.
 
The rest of our life is a long time...and the rest of our lives starts right now.
 
 


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Diary of a junkie: I’m really now a junkie

13/8/2016

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By Garnet
 
Life is a game. You can either choose to be the player, or choose to be the played.
 
I laid down but couldn't find sleep. I was torn between trying to make the novel I was supposedly reading interesting and convincing myself that Africans were just an archaic bunch that were still very backward in our way of life and our thoughts.
 
It was in between this tug of war that my phone rang.
 
I checked the time, and it was almost mid night. I wasn't expecting a call from anybody, and even if I was, not at that odd hour. I'd completely forgotten about my new found 'friend', Stephen.
 
I picked up my phone with hopes of lecturing someone about phone etiquette when I was greeted to a warm voice (I must say), and an apology.
 
"Hey, this is Stephen. Remember me?"...
 
How could I forget the guy responsible for my first ever real roll of marijuana?
 
Before I could snap out of my reverie, an apology was in order. “I’m sorry for calling you at this hour, I just couldn't help it and I kept praying you'd still be awake. Thank heavens you still are.”
 
Wow, somebody pinch me would you?!
 
How can one guy be cute, smart, caring and gentle all at once I thought to myself. It just didn't seem real enough to be true, but I recovered quickly and we continued talking.
 
It was way past mid night and as much as I wanted to call it a night, I found that I couldn't.  I remembered I had an early start that day and really had to sleep if I wanted to avoid moving round campus with heavy eyes.
 
As though reading my mind from the other end of the phone, Stephen was bringing the conversation to an end with an invite for another outing come Friday evening.
The part of me that still had a bit of sanity was screaming I say no and order this dude out of my life for good, while the part of me that would dive at any opportunity for an adventure was screaming for the exact opposite. Of course, I gave in and told him it was a date.
 
As though my body was in synchronization with Stephen', sleep came after that call and I could swear that I slept with a glow and woke up the next morning with a wide grin.
 
I'm sure I didn't sleep a wink at all that night cause next thing I know I was waking up to the break of dawn.
 
I went about my day like there was nothing up while my heart was in a frenzy of thought. Thoughts of Stephen clouded my day, and different images of what Friday would look like flashed in my mind's eye like a slideshow.
 
I didn't reprimand myself and unlike me I didn't tell a soul about Stephen for reasons that are still unknown to me even to this day.
 
When I met Stephen, exams were just around the corner but I didn't care. I thought; after all, my intake of marijuana isn't an everyday thing so what's the big deal?
 
I forced myself to become deaf to all the advice the good girl in me was giving. I shut my ears to all of my mom's warning. I couldn't wait for Friday. I couldn't wait to hang out with someone other than my course mate or roommate. I didn't take Stephen for the everyday regular Joe, rather I saw him as one demigod.
 
Mind you, Stephen was nice, and he knew what was in vogue then, so to hell with caution and doing things right. I was hanging out with this dude come what may.
 
All I wanted to do was have fun, and nothing was going to stand in the way of that. 
 
This time, I wasn't smoking leftovers. I wasn't hiding from the watchful eyes of elders around. I was my own boss, and I wanted to do what bosses do; issue orders rather than receive.
 
To make a habit, do it. To not make a habit, don't do it. But to unmake a habit, do something else in place of it. Fate has a way of making us think that twists and turns in our life's journey are actually straight lines, and its funny cause more often than not, tons of people fall for this trick.
Apparently, I was amongst the 'lucky' few that didn't find a way to maneuver life's twists and turns, rather I dived in with both eyes open and all my senses intact. It was now a matter of time before I'll look up to the heavens and weep; 'had I known...'


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Diary of a junkie: I’m sinking deeper into the abyss

6/8/2016

5 Comments

 
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By Garnet
 
Letting go of who you are requires letting go of who you used to be. It takes a fragile heart to pick up a bad habit, it takes a strong heart to pick up from where one left off and it takes an even stronger heart to continue.
 
My family moved to a new apartment in 2010 and I forgot all about my smoking leftovers at my grandma's place.
 
I then became the ideal daughter my mom wanted me to be. Not that I changed much, but, what can I say.
 
I finished secondary school and after a year at home, I gained admission into the university.
 
It's true that freedom can be too free sometimes, and I completely agree with this.
 
I was 18 when i finally moved in to school. I remember that day very well.  I felt like a bird that had just been let loose. I was free while with my folks at home so this new feeling of freedom could not have been a good one, but I felt that way.
 
My first few weeks in school without my mom and siblings was somewhat difficult but I coped, so it didn't take me long to become accustomed to everything and everyone.
 
One fateful Wednesday after an annoying day in school, I was strolling to the park to take a taxi home when someone drove up to me and stopped.
 
He beckoned on me to get into his car and though I was angry and wasn't in any mood for a conversation, I got in because the sun was crazy hot, had taken its toll on me; the guy, whoever he was, was cute and I needed that solace.
 
When I got into his car, he introduced himself to me as Stephen and we got talking.
 
I gave him a brief description of my day and asked that he forgive my disheveled look.
 
He smiled and offered a trip into town which I obliged.
I was just 18 years old, out of home for the first time and had just had a horrible day in school so I wasn’t thinking.
 
My first ever real roll of marijuana
 
I knew this guy was a complete stranger but I didn't have anything to do at home and anything to take my mind off the day I just had was very welcome.
 
He took me to his house and offered a drink. (Mind you, besides learning how to smoke, I also learnt how to drink).
 
We were seeing a movie alongside emptying cans of small stout when Stephen popped the question; "do you smoke?"
 
At first, I was taken aback but recovered soon enough to give him a brief story of my life.
 
I told him how I used to smoke the leftovers from my uncle and his friends and out of a box he offered me my first ever real roll.
 
The good girl in me kicked in but out of nowhere, I reached out and collected it.
 
Stephen had just offered me my first ever real roll, and taught me how to actually smoke marijuana.
 
Believe me, I was very nervous. I smoked the leftovers from my uncle and his friends but this was my first time of actually smoking and inhaling cannabis.
 
Way back, I cooked with marijuana, but there's a huge difference between having weed in your food, and smoking it.
 
He gave me a light, and we started burning up. I completely forgot about my day, everything all of a sudden made sense, and I felt like I was on top of the world.
 
Halfway into my third roll, combined with drinking stout, I felt light headed. The room and everything around was spinning at once, but I wasn't about to admit that to Stephen.
 
I managed to keep calm and act like all was well with me. How I managed to achieve that is still a mystery till date.
 
I and Stephen kept at it until almost dark, then I stood to leave. He dropped me off in front of my gate, took my number and left.
 
I went up to my room, and for the first time in what seemed like forever there was no one to scold me.
 
I had dinner, took a shower and picked up a novel to read but found that I couldn't.
 
I was lost in thought. The thoughts were coming like a hurricane. Too many thoughts and ideas trying to drown the other one and be the only thing I think of. I didn't know what to give in to.
 
The good girl in me wanted me to stop all forms of communications with Stephen.
 
The adventurous girl in me wanted to try something new, and keep the good girl locked up someplace else. The wild girl in me wanted to feel among and do what the other girls do.
 
I ended up convincing myself that smoking wasn't a bad thing, after all women in the Western world smoke. I ended up convincing myself that Nigerians were backward in thinking.
 
I forgot my mother's warnings and zillion words of wisdom. I told myself that if she doesn't know, she wouldn't get hurt.
 
So I resolved that I would pick up from where I left off, but I wouldn't let it be a habit.
 
Fate can sometimes mess with our mind, it feels like some things that happen are actually meant to be.
 
I completely forgot that the more I defended my bad habit, the stronger it becomes and the more difficult it is to stop.
 
Still to be continued
 
 

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8 Signs Your Partner/Spouse is a Waste of Time and Will Never Commit

4/8/2016

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By TNB Digest

One of the best things in Life, is been in a relationship, not just any relationship, but in a Relationship with someone you can trust and you know, will love you back.
 
I don’t advice my friends to go on relationships with people who will never commit, why date a guy who you know, will lie, lie, cheat on you and lie over again? Isn’t that a definition of been cheap?
 
Today, i want to write on an important topic, and want to tell the Ladies, how they can identify a guy who will NEVER commit to any relationship, no matter how much they love him.
 
It is true that Women from every nation, culture and tribe no matter the differences in cultures and believes, will always have two common questions as far as relationships are concerned, and these questions are:
 
Is he serious about me?
Is he ready for a lifetime commitment?
The above questions have the power of twisting and nerve-wrecking every woman with unclear picture of their future, more especially, on where exactly the relationship will be heading to in the future.
 
It is certain that Women, sorry, Most women would never want to waste months or even years on a man who has no intention or plan of staying with them for a lifetime.
 
So to save yourself the time, energy and unnecessary heartbreaks, it’s advisable that every lady discovers whether their boyfriend is really commit or he is just taking them for those common high school relationship rides.
 
Here are Eight Signs That Show Y0ur Man Will Never Commit
 
10 Most Life-Threatening Phrases
 
1. You’re Never in His Plan
 
When a man you’re supposed to be in relationship with, is always making plans and keeps on “forgetting” to add you to his plan, i guess it’s time for you to start making plans to get out of the relationship.
 
To be candid and honest with you, if i don’t love someone, as much as they thought i do, i won’t want my life to circle round them. Whenever your man is making plans, and you’re always excluded, it’s time to move on with your life.
 
You know why? Because he absolutely doesn’t have you in his future plans!
 
Whenever he makes only has an “I” statement throughout his discussion with you or family members, it becomes obviously clear that he does NOT have any intention of making you part of his life. If he talks more about his parents and never puts you in the big picture or care much about thinking of the future life with you, even rarely discussing it, then the only thing I can really think of right now is that you two are not reading from the same book, and the your future with him seems bleak.
 
Make a run for it, while your heart isn’t broken yet, and most importantly, your time isn’t wasted yet. You’ve got a beautiful life, don’t let anyone create a sad and sorrowful one for you.
 
2. Always “Unavailable”
 
In a relationship that there is mutual love and respect, both the guy and Lady, always makes it a point to tell their partner their where about and most times, pinpoint their location.
 
However, if you are in a relationship that your Boyfriend doesn’t make a point to meet occasionally with you, then you’re deceiving yourself. Get real and look at the bigger picture here.
 
In a relationship where your boyfriend disappears for more than a week, and doesn’t bother to explain where he has been all this while, you should probably know that he’s make it clear that he has no room for you in his life.
 
It isn’t suppose to be mentioned here, that in a relationship that has future, a loving man will always let you know where he is, what he is currently doing and ensures, he give you an assurance that he is always thinking about you, even in his busiest hours.
 
He Has Not Introduce You to His Family
 
This point is pretty obvious, i have listen to several teachings on Building a successful relationship, and to be honest with you, almost all great relationship teachers, makes sure they drum this point to their listeners ear, if you noticed that your S.O has not introduce you to his parents, then he simply has in no future plan with you.
 
Why show you to his family, when he knows in his innermost heart, that you’re not going to be his future wife? If he take you to his family and show you as his girlfriend to Parents, and does not marry you, he will be indirectly saying to his family members, he’s a player and afraid of commitments. No one, especially the guys want their family members to know they’re players.
 
So, one of the easiest way to know your current Boyfriend does not have any future plan for you, is not taking you to meet with his parents.
 
If you raise the question of seeing his parents and he immediately change the topic or objects, then you should know that he is not ready for commitment. If he screams, tends to be busy or nag whenever you raise the “introduce me to your family” subject, he may not really be ready for this relationship to lead anywhere.
 
Am telling you the honest truth.
 
He doesn’t Show Concerns Towards Your Dream (Life Goals)
 
In a relationship that the love is mutual, it won’t surprise you to know that your partner wants you to succeed, and will try his possible best to ensure your goals become reality, and you know why?
 
Because he wants you to reach the pinnacle of your dream, which will make you happy, and when you’re happy, he’s happy.
 
But for that guy who isn’t concerned about your future with him? he’s never going to disturb him, or even show concerned about your goals.
 
If he doesn’t want to talk about your feelings, hopes, dreams and desires for the future, it may be time to untie the relationship knots. If he loves you, he will care about how you feel, listen to you, learn you, and motivate you. He will make your decisions his and your life’s desires part of himself.
 
He’s Always Talking About Other Girls
 
Why would someone you believed, loved you so much fancies about other girls? You should be the love of his life. The only one that attracts him, and someone who is his current crush! Not some others girls. Honestly, if your boyfriend doesn’t love you, he’ll always talk about other girls.
 
Talking about other girls shows he has no atom of respect for you.
 
When you notice that he fancies and talks of other girls with you, or with his friends, note that he does not value you that much.
 
Studies have shown that a man who loves you will never talk about other girls when he is with you. A man who truly loves you, he will never have the time to think that the girls he meets at work is way hotter than you are and will make you feel like you are the only woman in the world.
 
He Hates Work
 
When ask to define a lazy person, one of the first thought that comes to your mind, is that he or she, hates to work.
 
The honest truth is that work is life. If you are dating a guy who cannot hold a job or hates to go to work, even if he has a position in the best working agency in the city or county, then you can be sure of something important, and that is, he’s NEVER serious and is in-mature.
 
A man who hates work, has never thought of taking responsibilities. If he cannot hold a job, it is highly unlikely that he will be able to take care of you.
 
He Does Not Do What He Says
 
When your boyfriends makes no attempt to keep his word, then you should know he does not take you serious. When he says one thing and does the opposite of what he says.
 
When he has no stand, and never takes anything between the both of you seriously, you don’t need a prophecy to know that he does not value you, or your relationship.
 
Darling? please take off and look for someone who loves you and tries his possible best to keep his word.
 
Do You Feel Valuable Around His Friends?
 
How can you be so sure, you’re his girl? and not just his side chick? The altitude of his friends towards you will speak volume, and here’s why.
 
Studies have shown over and over again, that if a guy likes you, he’ll always talk about you to his friends, and won’t take it lightly with anyone who might insult your person. His actions and reaction towards you, while with his friends will make his friends respect you.
 
If he loves you and is ready to be with you, he will make you feel special by telling your friends and his friends you are the only one. If the both of you are together with his friends and he doesn’t seem to notice you, then you simply don’t need any other sign to know that the man you once loved has always been someone you do not know.
 
He might have someone special, who his real friends will always know, and to them, you’ll be his side chick, and they’ll treat you as one.
 
Culled from www.thenigerianblogger.com


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The 10 Habits of Long-Lasting Couples

1/8/2016

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By TNB Digest
 
We’ve all swooned at the adorable stories of couples who spend their whole lives together, and are just as much in love with each other in old age as they were right at beginning. But what is their secret? How do they manage to maintain, and strengthen, their love through the years?
 
Well, psychiatrist Mark Goulston has published his advice. Read on to discover his 10 tips for lasting relationships:
 
1. Go to bed together. This doesn’t mean go have sex every single night, but rather go to bed at the same time. Dr. Goulston reckons that “happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times” even if one gets back up shortly after. There’s nothing like a bedtime cuddle!
 
2. Work out your common interests. It’s fine if he loves rugby while you’re into painting, and you shouldn’t even worry if the thing you find most boring is what really gets him going. But Dr. Goulston reminds us that the initial passion won’t last forever, so you need to make sure there’s some substance behind your relationship.
 
“If common interests aren’t present, happy couples develop them,” he says. “Don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting and prevent you from appearing too dependent.” Got it.
 
3. Hold hands. Next time you’re out together, make sure you’re in sync by holding one another’s hand. A public sign of affection, Dr. Goulston advises that it’s a sign of real comfort. “It’s more important to be with your partner than to see the sights along the way,” he tells us.
 
4. Always trust and try to forgive. Obviously this depends on the severity of your disagreement, but as a general rule Dr. Goulston thinks it’s key to make “trusting and forgiving, rather than distrusting and begrudging” your default setting after an argument.
 
5. Focus on what they do right, not what they do wrong. Positive reinforcement is an age-old concept used with children and even the training of animals. But it’s still important for fully grown adults too. So compliment your partner when they deserve it and try not to look for things they do wrong. “You can always find something,” Dr. Goulston says.
 
But that works both ways; “If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.”
 
6. Don’t forget to hug. Dr. Goulston urges us to hug our partner every single day (if circumstance allows). “Our skin has a memory of ‘good touch’ (loved), ‘bad touch’ (abused), and ‘no touch’ (neglected),” he explains. “Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the ‘good touch,’ which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.”
 
7. Say “I love you” and “have a good day” every morning. Seems obvious, but it’s an important one. Saying something caring like that first thing will set the other up for their day. “It’s a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines, and other annoyances.”
 
8. Say good night, every night. Regardless of how you feel. Never go to bed on an argument. According to Dr. Goulston, even the gesture of saying good night “tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.”
 
9. Check in with them throughout the day. Calling your partner to see how their day is going is “a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work.” So if your other half has had a nightmare of a day, you know what to expect. And you can probably get the Ben & Jerry’s, in an attempt to cheer them up.
 
10. Be proud to be seen together. We know there’s a line between a sweet show affection and blatant PDA, but Dr. Goulston reminds us that a display of tenderness in public is important. “It’s not showing off, but rather just saying that they belong with each other,” he tells us. And that’s quite nice.
 
Culled from www.thenigerianblogger.com

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